yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
