you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
