Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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