There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
