Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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