Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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