I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
