it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
