Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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