Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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