Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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