Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
