look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
