@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
