That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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