Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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