Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
