Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
