im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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