You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
