I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
