she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize