He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize