They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
