Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
