Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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