I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's never too late to be topless.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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