oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
