man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
