He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
