a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
