I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
