can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
