Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
