you didnt know i had herpes?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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