Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
