Your mouth is God's brothel.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
