It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
