Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
