It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
