Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
