sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
