Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
