If i come over, it means nothing
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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