I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
