i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i think my mom watched the whole time
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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