Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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