Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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