Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
