Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
