Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
