all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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