dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
