dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
