The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I love having hate sex.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
