I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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