Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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