you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
