lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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