i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
