my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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