I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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