i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish you could order shots online.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
