Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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