it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
