And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Randomize
