Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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