I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
