All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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