i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
