just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
