it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
